around me

She was transferred to my office on marriage grounds from the other unit. Tall, beautiful and a smile to die for. They were a small family: she , her husband and her in-laws living in a duplex home at a decent society. Her husband along with a steady job co-owned a small telecom business and her father-in-law was a retired government officer. Like every new bride at a new home, she had to make some adjustments in her new home. She quitted her habit of drinking morning tea as none in her family drink tea early morning. To start for her office at 8:00 am, she has to get-up and rush to the kitchen to make breakfast for everyone and lunch for herself, in the evening reach hhome at 7:00 and cook dinner for all. She accustomed herself with the big city travel system and changed 2 buses to reach office on time. Work at office was also not very smooth and work under a hot-tempered boss has its own ill-effects. Once she told how her mother-in-law gifted her a gold bracelet of exactly same design as the one she had lost earlier. We were impressed after all whose mother-in-law gifts gold even after marriage.

A year into marriage, she hadnt been to her parents home. She yearned to go home. Any requests to her husband to take her home were transferred to her mother-in-law who dilly-dallied it to next time. The work she used to do at home and then managing to work as efficiently at office was really tough. From 6:00 in the morning till night she was in a constant grind and even on that her mother-in-law insisted to wake up a bit more early so that she can manage everything better. She tried her best to ensure her mother-in-law that she had no interests to come in between her and her son and that the husband would always been her so first.Its not like that she didnt discuss the problem or spoke her mind but whenever she did, the mother-in-law started crying and cursing herself and the girl started feeling guilty for making her mother-in-law sad and crying.

Soon she got pregnant, by chance. They were not prepared for it but went with the flow. With months into pregnancy, she faced difficulty doing the house-hold chores like kneading dough and standing constantly at the kitchen. On coaxing her family to get a maid for some help, her mother-in-law wondered aloud that if the girl is having any problem to do house-hold work , she(the mom-in-law) is fit enough to do the work and there is no need for the maid as they are unhygenic and dont do things properly.

Once after reaching home after office with a headache, she asked her husband to get her a glass of water. That was , may be, the first time the boy was doing anything for her. As he was taking the water bottle for her to their room, the mother-in-law taunted her son, "So now the queen cant even drink water on her own?" That was the day and since then she had sworn to not get her husband to do anything for her before the mother-in-law.

In the mean-time, her father-in-law got a heart-attack. The focus was now the health of the father-in-law. Not that she was ever the focus of the house as it was always her mother-in-law. As she wondered sometime that noone in the family has shown any care or love for her health. The husband would run post to pillar if her mother will get a headache and when she demanded extra-care owing to her pregnancy would ask "why? you dont have any problem."

In the second trimester when she desired to have delivery at her parent's home, the mother-in-law and her husband made it clear that they are nobody to say in this matter. But whatever happens. she will be solely responsible for it. The girl went to her parents place for a day and returned back the same evening from the train.

Till her last days before taking maternity leave, she came to the office from the same bus, while earlier she was contemplating to get a driver and came to office in the family car.

The girl had a love-marriage. She knew her husband before the marriage. This is an outsider's perspective from what we hear from her, may be the things were not as dark in the inside. The insecurity of a woman that her son will not hers after marriage, the husband who does his best to be the good son of his mother and made it clear to his wife that her mother is the first priority in his life, a girl away from her family and friends entangled in the roles of the dutiful daughter-in-law and wife, loveless relations and as she earlier confesses, in no feeling of maternal affection with her womb. A sad state to be in and all one can wish is a happy beginning to her family with the new baby.

Daughetrs of beautiful women are not pretty

In my teens I made a theory, "Daughters of beautiful women are not pretty". Oh yes, my mummy is very beautiful and hence the theory:) In times, I have met many who supported this theory and I have celebrity evidences too to support.

I take after my father in looks as well as in behaviour department. And often I used to rue over this fact too.That I dont have eyes, nose , smile and beauty like hers. Then one day, an old acquaintance came to meet my parents. She had known my parents since their youth but hadnt meet them for like 14-15 years. I had just begun college then. And when she saw me, she exclaims.." You have taken after your mother!! So tall, such elegance ". Now my mother's elegance and style of carrying herself is incomparable but needless to say, I was on moon. I shared it with my mother and slept with a smile on my face.

No one can say, on looking at me that I am my mother's daughter. You know how on seeing some person you feel like "oh she looks exactly like her mother's/ father's" I wanted that to happen with me. So couple of months back I was going through the photos we clicked during Deepawali and I have this moment "omg, I am looking like her. Not completely, surely I dont have beautiful eyes and the natural smile like her, but well the cringes around the eyes and the curl around the lips are unmistakenly hers."

So you see, I am evolving. First the height, then the cringes and curls, and maybe one day people look at me and exclaims"oh she looks exactly like her mother's"..That would surely be a grand day for me. And it would be of great help to me if with time her easy-going nature, child-like exuberance, energy and timeless elegance also rubs in..:)

Happy Mother's Day to all the beautiful mommies and all their not-so-pretty daughters.:)

Somethings never change...

Somethings never change. No matter how fast-paced life become, no matter how tech savvy new-age kids become, somethings never change..

So what if we had only 5-star and Dairy-Milk as option for chocolates and today the kids have plethora to choose from, the young girls of age 3-4 still love to snatch the hand-bag of their lady guests or neighbours, turn them inside out to check if there are any chocolates/ eatables there and hang the purse on their shoulders and flaunt it as if they are carrying their own.
>

So what if fashion then was not so very much to look forward to and there was not much TV/internet that breeds the bug of looks and beauty on young minds like they do have today, the young adolescents still admire the young unmarried woman who their family knows and who comes to their place often and tells her how much they love her hair, her looks and her dress and her everything and dreams to be like her some day.




Yes, at some point of time I was that kid who used to tear apart the purse of her aunt to look for chocolates and for the entire time she were at our place, I used to carry her purse and roam around the house with an air thinking I am a big girl now.
Down the line, I was also that young tween who dreamt of being like the nice neighbourhood “Didi” who used to come at my house often..

One can always exclaim “girls will be girls” and yes even I will second it but also I want to add that “What goes round comes around” (Today my neighbourhood twin-girls remind me of my childhood when they fight to get hold of/ scrutinize my purse and carry it with elan on their tiny shoulders. Today a young teen makes me smile when she tells how much she likes the dress and hair and earrings and..)
“What goes round surely comes around”
…and I am not complaining :D



Photos from Internet.

Realization:1

SHOPPING helps! SHOPPING heals!!

When you are feeling low, Shopping is the next best thing to do to lift your mood up..Whats the best thing, ofcourse talking to a close friend..:D

Being a GEM

My dear friend updated me of a new word and I thought it is apt to write a post about it right now before this phase eludes me and I am left with nothing but wordless memories..

Being a GEM, I realize there are certain aspects added to your personality and knowingly or unknowingly we all follow this pattern:


You keep falling in and out of love with the same person. With every good thing, your belief in the other strengthens further and with every fight, the clouds of doubts appear.

You start questioning yourself and assuring yourself and arguing and believing the sanctity of marriage.

The home where you lived your whole life now for you becomes your parents home. You innocuously start calling your home as your parent’s home.


The once-in-the-year calls of your cousins and aunt’s become frequent these times who wants to know all the updates on the preparations of the D-day.

You find yourself staring at the dummies with bridal-outfits. Not that you were never into window shopping but looking lustily at those designer embroidered/ kanjeevaram sarees is a total new experience.

Before every purchase, you begin contemplating if this thing/ dress could be used after your status change as well and if the answer is a guiltful no, you, with a heavy heart, leave it at the counter.


On seeing an old crush at the social networking site still brings a smile on your face while your mind repeats “You are a GEM now”.

You day-dream of what the future life would be.

You worry a lot of how the whole process of marriage going to happen and thus reduce weight and instead of that so-called glow what shines in your face are those new zits.

If you are working like me you also start wondering about what lies ahead professionally but believe me, career is the last thing on your mind right now.


You smile and cant wait to marry when you see some marriage function or a sweet couple roaming in the market but at the same time you heave a sigh after a day-out with your girl- friends thinking this might not be a regular custom afterwards.



P.S: For the uninitiated, GEM stands for “Getting engaged or married”.


Edited to add: Celestialrays handed me this fab award which I have proudly displayed in my blog. I would love to give this award to NEHA who I think not only has a fabulous blog but herself is a fabulous person. This one is for you, Neha!!

She

So she came at my place to meet me. Its been summer vacations at her school and she was headstrong that she ll be coming all alone to stay with me during her vacations.

She came on the set date and we passed the first day chatting and gorging on the sweets she had brought for me. For the coming days I had planned that we ll be going to morning-walks, something she’s really enthusiastic about and something which I hope, will help me make an early-riser. We couldn’t manage to get up early next day so we skipped the first day walk but we compensated for it with evening-walk. We were walking, I was telling about my life here and she was observing the surrounding when I caught her looking longingly at the children on the swings in the park in front of my building. We kept on talking and walking until my feet started demanding rest and came back home.

Next morning , I woke up at 6.00,too late for a morning walk and found her bed lying empty. Thinking that she might be in bathroom, waited for some moments and then went to check there but she wasn’t there too. The front door was open. I wondered where could she have gone, keeping the door unlocked. She might be walking in the terrace, I wondered, so rushed there but no she wasn’t there. From there, I saw somebody swinging alone in the park down .

I laughed to myself, at the little pleasures we enjoy and ran smiling all the way to park to join my Mummy playing on swing.

Its these little joys that sum up the bliss of life. They say, in every (wo)man’s heart lives a kid, so true…

Management Lessons from my maid

My maid has worked for 26 years, or so she proclaims.So here is the gyan I have got from her 'Professionalism' (huhh??) in a year:))

Management Lessons from my maid:

DO's

1) Whenever the employer(M,me) seems angry, not in good mood dont talk much to her instead work hard, clean the gas-stove ,wash the dishes in time and yes when she, the employer reaches from the office be ready with a cup of hot tea.

2) Never directly ask for money/increment.Instead weave the story of how the other employers have increased their maid's salary even though they work less harder than the maid.

3) Never nag/ask for salary on the due date.Money can wait.If the employer is not paying her on time there may be some genuine reasons like she may not be having the ready cash or was forgetting to pay at times.BUT if the delay is prolonged, hit the button and ask directly.

4) Be polite to employer's family.

5) Work is worship.No matter there are temptations to be back in your home and not come to duty, BUT come and work.If taking leave, duly tell the employer with prior notice.

6)Have a heart.Be human.Every employer is a human too so care for your employer.

7) Money is not the most important thing in life BUT it is important.So whenever you feel you deserve it, fight for it.

8) Be resouceful, even if you cant read, be ready to go to the extra mile to get the parcha(note) written by your employer for you read by anyone nearby so that you can act accordingly.

9)Have multiple skills and let your employer know of them or at least have a hint of them.This way your employer can utilize more of you making you indispensable.

10)Look for new oppurtunities.Feel free to show your interest whenever you find one where you can give your inputs and ask for recommendations from your employer if needed....

8th March

HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY TO ALL
"Being a woman is not about some secret guild or elite clique. It’s just knowing deep in your heart that you’re something else, that you have the capacity to amaze and perplex at the same time.
It’s knowing you have the power to create, and nurture, and heal with a single touch or a kind word, and using this power to make a difference.

Here on blah! we wish to celebrate women, not just on the occasion of Woman’s Day, but on all days; women who are comfortable in their own skin; who understand that womanhood has nothing to do with men, who know that feminism is not a movement, but a feeling, a right. We celebrate the joys that they bring into the world. And we celebrate the various roles they play…
She is no more precious to her parents than a son would be to them, and yet, she is different. She balances her own hopes and desires with those her parents have for her. She holds on to her dreams, and at the same time, never lets go of the respect she has for her parents and her family. Life is not always easy for her, and she may not always get what she wants, but she lives it, and how! She is the Daughter.

She wears her uniform proudly. She walks the walk and talks the talk, day in and day out, holding her own in the company of her male peers. She has persevered being passed over for promotions as well as accusations of using her ‘wily’ ways to get ahead. Her superiors have grudgingly come to acknowledge her value, and her subordinates only want her on her way out. But she stands tall, this woman, just the way that the Kiran Mazumdar Shaw’s and the Indra Nooyi’s of the world do. She is the Working Woman.

Her days are the longest. She’s probably the first to rise and hits the bed only after making sure every last sofa cushion is in its place, and every last one of her babies is tucked into bed. She reports for duty from the word ‘Go’ and her levels of patience can be an inspiration in itself. She creates and cares and is ever nurturing, ever preserving. Wife to her husband, mother to her children, and daughter to her in-laws, she slips into every one of these roles with grace. Last, but not the least, she is the Homemaker."
P.S: This mail was forwarded to all the women employees of our department by our Boss..
And I cant help copying this beautiful mail here.